These days I have been talking with my Venezuelan friend about the education of our children, we are both worried about some bad behavior that children have at times. We are concerned about certain behaviors and we wondered if we were to blame for these attitudes. After all, although children have their own personalities, they act on what they see or hear. Children are sponges, they learn from what they live.
Wanting to educate children as well as possible, parents make mistakes and I admit that I was wrong. I try to do the best I can, but I don't always succeed. I do not fit into the permissive mother model, perhaps I tend more to be strict than not authoritarian. In any case, my intention is always to be moderate, to be in the middle. This led me to wonder about the ideal parent-child relationship. Should we be our children's parents' friends? Is it better to put distance and respect us? Which educational model is better: the permissive or the authoritarian?
Too many questions, so I turned to Silvia Álava, child psychologist and collaborator of our site, to find out her opinion about the ideal relationship between parents and children, about what is the best way to educate them. The answer was clear: the parents' education style must be balanced.
When parents are balanced and have clear rules to follow and limits to be set, they are able to transmit them to children in a positive way and children acquire those rules and limits.
The psychologist explained that the permissive style of education, in which there are no rules, no limits and children can do whatever they want is not suitable for children. Permissive parents are raising children who cannot tolerate frustration because no one has ever said no to them. They are children who do not have a security model in their parents, they cannot trust their parents, because they think that they are stronger and have more power within the family environment.
Silvia Álava explained to us that "it is very important to establish that parenting model where there are clear guidelines, clear limits, and very clear rules and that parents are figures of trust and security. That does not mean that it has to be a style authoritarian, far from it. " Our pedagogue explained it to us clearly: it is as bad to be excessively authoritarian as it is excessively permissive.
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