Many parents are reluctant to say "NO" to their children and continually indulge their needs and desires in order to provide everything that depends on them to make them happy and satisfied children.
A priori this may seem positive, however, it is not. Meeting all the demands of our children can cause children to become true tyrants.
Saying "NO" to our children is very beneficial for them, we are helping them to feel much happier and more secure. Although it is difficult to believe, a child with clear and well-defined limits is much happier than a child who does not know what to expect and bullies his family to get what he wants.
Children are very emotionally skilled, sometimes even more than adults, and they know perfectly how they must behave in order to emotionally alter their parents and finally get what they want so much.
As we all know, no child likes their parents to say "NO", so at first children do not usually accept "NOES" willingly and do everything in their power so that their parents end up giving in and changing the "NO" for a "YES": they shout, cry, hit, throw things, insult, etc.
What usually happens is that parents end up saying "YES" so that the child stops crying and behaving inappropriately. Many parents consider that if they do not give in when their child cries it is a cruel act and they even feel guilty for allowing their child to cry and not giving in to their demands. But, it is just the opposite, It is a mistake because the child learns that every time he wants to achieve something, he only has to cry and misbehave so that his parents finally end up satisfying his wants and needs: They become little tyrants!
They are simply using all their weapons to get away with it. Children are tested and experiment to see where the limit is. If they do, it is because they believe that they are handling the situation and that they have enough power to finally get their parents to change their minds. On the other hand, if the parents are firm they teach the child a great lesson: You will not achieve anything with emotional blackmail or bad behavior!
If we teach them that they can get everything they want and immediately we are not doing them any favors because in adult life things do not work that way and we must prepare them to be resilient people, capable of tolerating frustration and delaying gratification.
But, this has a solution. Saying "NO" is a skill and therefore can be learned.
- Be clear about the objective: Every time we say “NO” to our son or daughter, it is because we consider it to be the best for them. If we are clear that our only objective is to help them, even if it may not seem like it in the short term, it will be easier for us to say “NO”.
- Be firm: We must not be afraid of confrontation with the child, we must bear in mind that when the child cries or shows inappropriate behavior, he is only testing how far he can go. It is important not to get emotionally upset or give in and simply show indifference to such behaviors, soon the child will begin to calm down.
- Keep calm: It is important to tell the child "NO" firmly and safely but in no case shouting or showing upset, we have to remain calm and serene. If the child perceives otherwise, he will learn that he has the power to make his parents nervous and finally get his way.
- Practice: Learning to say "NO" is a skill and like any other skill we must practice so that we can do better each time. When we start driving, it is normal that at first we do not do very well and with continued practice we end up being skilled drivers. Well, with this the same thing happens, we must train and practice continuously saying “NO” to our children, as long as it is necessary, and little by little we will become more and more skilled.
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