Unlike other publications on the subject, the book does not categorically impose its vision of the world (at least on the vast majority of cards). It gives the possibility of polemics. And for this a huge plus! What about the rest? Here you could write a lot, discuss, ask questions, explain ... the sense of creating more terms to define something natural.
Close parenthood, or what?
I am not a fan of naming everything with terms, specifying or clarifying it, especially in terms as delicate as raising children. On the other hand, around parenting closeness many doubts arose. In my opinion, precisely because it is a blurred term that can be considered too unnecessary - because most of us do not bring up a "long distance" parenting spirit and that is why intimacy as such remains something ordinary.
On the other hand, to emphasize the meaning of this term, it is assumed that parenting closeness is something that distinguishes parents raising in this spirit from others, i.e. sleeping with a child, using reusable diapers, wearing a sling, long breastfeeding, not applying penalties and rewards.
To make it even more complicated, the authors of numerous publications, not just books, emphasize that, in fact, parenting closeness is not all that I mentioned above (sleeping with a child, etc.), but that these issues they are only an add-on that everyone can choose or reject depending on their needs.
If we take the term so broadly, I suppose the vast majority of readers of this site will remain a parent close to their children (By the way, this name is extremely irrelevant, don't you think?). This means that, apart from pathology, each of us will not need additional arguments to hug the child, to calm down crying, meet the needs within our own capabilities ... Therefore, one can get the impression that closeness parenting guides are written with little in mind percent of society that children neglect dramatically.
The guide is read great, mainly because of many interesting facts, referring to the results of the research, which can be fascinating for those interested. For those who, however, try to look after the child in the right way, will remain only a curiosity. And for the others? It depends ... Those who hear not to sleep with their children and not to wear a baby can convince or not. Depending on how strong their views are, how far they remain and how imposed on them from the outside.
In addition, you may also have another doubt. Although the authors emphasize in many places that every child is different, just like every adult has different needs, they emphasize that the child is designed to be carried and in this way show him tenderness, love, closeness.
Meanwhile the fact was omitted in silencethat the child can be cuddled in a sitting position, for example, you can rock them in your arms in a rocking chair (the authors only mention the rehabilitation ball), that you can try to reassure the child by stroking the back, head and that often "breaking out to automatic wear", overtaking baby needs is not the best solution. This is missing in the guide, and yet the Brazelton method, consisting of seven-step calming down of the child, is often equally effective and does not create a straight line of reaction: the child is crying, we are taking the baby in his arms, which, like a huge number of threads on the Internet, becomes a problem over time ...
I also raise my doubts fragment about the nursery:
"It is no accident that the last of these solutions is a nursery. It is an alternative that should come last in your mind - when there is no other option. Staying in a nursery is a very stressful experience for a child, which may have an impact on stress reactions throughout adulthood. Children left in this type of center usually do not have proper care - even if the educator acts in the best faith and tries very hard, he is not able to meet the security needs of a large number of children under her care (...) "
And although I am not a big fan of nurseries myself, I think that this is the subject seems harmful and simplifies reality too much. It seems that the authors again forget that each child is different, just like every parent has different needs.
Practice shows that a parent convinced to a nursery often goes out to work and sees a smiling baby. Not all children experience separation as much. In addition, it is interesting to distinguish the nursery from other forms of care. It can also be seen that the other solutions are not flawless. The nanny's care can bring similar problems, which is often far from ideal. Here a lot depends on personal experience.
You can also argue with presented shopping list, which are items worth spending on in-game items. Here it occupies an important place feeding seat. Is that right
I know parents who do not use child seats and for the first year feed babies in blocked rockers or swings, or classically at the table a child eats on a parent's lap. And although it's definitely worth choosing one place to eat, most feeding chairs are not only for serving food, but also for fun.
That's why you can imagine life without a feeding seat. After all, remaining in the tone of the guide, it is a solution that we have known in Poland for several years. Previously, we were fed without him. Therefore, if you do not need prams, disposable diapers and slurry, why should you use a feeding chair? Solving the puzzle is not difficult. Because the purchase of a feeding chair matches the vision of eating BLW (independently by a child, without crushing food). If you do not feed this method, buying a car seat is an investment only for a few months, then you can freely seat the child in an adult chair.
Penalties and rewards
The authors also focus on the topic of penalties and rewards. And although their arguments seem meaningless in many places, I am of the opinion that again the wider context and the possibility of penalties being properly applied are not taken into account.
Any method incorrectly used will be the wrong method. That is why the argument that children do not know what they are being punished for is quite surprising to me. After all, parents are asked to explain what will happen if the child does not listen right after the punishment or before applying it (depending on the situation).
No penalties are needed on a daily basis or in trivial situations. They are not intended to change children into puppets, but are intended to serve everyone: the whole family, and measured with calmness and love, without being taken away from the context, remain effective in the opinion of many psychologists, especially in the case of so-called "difficult children". They do not leave a negative mark on the psyche, as in the case of most of us we were not disturbed by the fair putting out of one for the lesson by a teacher whom we respect, like, and who at the next opportunity gave us a chance to improve and who never let us feel that the fact that we have failed affects his feelings for us.
To sum up: 'Parenthood of Closeness' by Natalia and Krzysztof Minge is an interesting position, definitely better than those that have already been published on this topic, very orderly, well argued, although in many places too simplistic and not taking account of thinking patterns.The reader may also be disappointed for another reason, the book does not really explain how to build a real, close contact with the child, he devotes too much space to care or secondary things, such as buying a layette. Apart from a certain plane, it does not go deeper into the problem ... and this could be expected, suggesting the development of the title. There remains a deficiency and a place on the market for ... another book. :) Which one to write, knowing other publications of these authors, I encourage you!
Do you want to read this book? Write in a comment how you can show children love and how you like to do it. We will award the most interesting two answers with a copy of the book. We are waiting for your answers until March 6! Remember to enter a valid email address when adding a comment!