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It's just like in this joke.
On the deathbed lies an 80-year-old - a beloved husband, father and grandfather. The whole family gathered around. Wife, all children, grandchildren and several great-grandchildren. Everyone is silently staring at the ceiling and the floor, waiting for the upcoming moment ... Suddenly the grandpa breaks the silence and says:
"I'll tell you my biggest secret ... I really didn't want to marry and start a family." I had everything: fast cars, beautiful women, lots of friends and money on my account. But one evening a friend said to me:
- "Get married and start a family because you won't have anyone to give you a glass of water when you want to drink on your deathbed."
From that moment those words did not leave me alone. I decided to radically change my life and get married. Jumping with friends for beer ended. Now I was only jumping into the night for gerberas for you, my children. The evening discos with the girls turned into the evening watching series with his wife ... Money from the account was squandered into investment funds for you beloved children. The playful days before marriage went away like the wind ... And now that I am lying on my deathbed ...
- You know what?
- What? Everyone stares at the old man in amazement.
- I do not want to drink!
Why did you decide on a child?
The answer to this question is not easy. Many of us just don't know what to say because we never really thought about it. That we decided to have a child at some point in our lives seemed simply obvious. The birth of a child turned out to be simply a natural, next stage in life.
There is also a second, more caricatured side of this issue, which is revealed by internet forums. Some decided to have a child because:
- "Children are so small and beautiful"
- "I wanted to buy these little clothes, they tempted me"
- "Because I will have someone to really love" - ok, what about the child's dad?
- "It's high time, parents pressed"
- "A child will bring us closer and save our relationship" - one of the key mistakes ... How many women have run through this thinking cannot be counted.
Because I wanted to be a mother
Or maybe you decided on a child because you wanted to be a mother? Because you wanted to face the challenge and develop yourself as a person thanks to the new role?
Many women look at the decision to have children not in terms of giving birth to a new man (also, but not only), but through the prism of their own life change, which the birth of a child brings. The fact that being a mother often deviates from pre-pregnancy ideas is quite another matter.
You can never have too many children
A generation or two ago, the situation was simple. Children were born, families were big. Elders took care of their younger siblings, and at every free time helped their parents in the economy. Everyone had their duties. It was necessary to move the horses, milk the cows, feed the pigs, help in the field, etc. The work was heavy from morning to evening. The harvest was more important than science. And the more hands to work, the better. Children were simply needed. And it never occurred to anyone to deny this obvious fact.
How is it now
As fertility increases, fertility falls. In the rich countries to which we are slowly joining, the number of births is dramatically low. Each child also becomes an expensive investment, considered in terms of future profits. We begin to wonder how much money we have to raise a child, whether we are able to provide our daughter or son with not only basic resources necessary for life, but also a good start into the future. The increase in the amount of money spent on a child, as well as the increase in commitment to upbringing have naturally reduced the number of births.
Should children help parents?
And here we come to the controversial issue from the beginning of the article. For a mythical glass of water that we receive from our child in old age.
Can a parent require childcare? By engaging in education both emotionally and financially, can he hope that at the end of his life a child will provide him with decent conditions? Where does the obligation to look after aging parents begin and where does good will end?
In other words, is it so that when deciding on a child, we can be sure that our old age will be better than childless? Are these motivations okay after all?
It turns out that the answers to these questions are very different. Some are of the opinion that it is the duty of children to care for older parents. Others indicate that this cannot be required. Most of them agree on one thing - a child may or may not help his parents in old age. If he decides to take his older mother or father to his own home, it should be due to his personal conviction. No one has the right to force him to do so.
Responsibility for parents who lose health should be something natural and result from their own beliefs. Decisions of this type should not be enforced in any way. It also seems obvious that deciding to have a child in order to have help in old age is simply a mistake.
Motivations should be different, right?