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"How to grow a monster? Anti-guidebook for parents "


I have been wondering for a long time how to start a review of this book for you and unfortunately I still have mixed feelings. Reading the book began passionately, the first pages really encouraged reading, hit, chained to the chair, but the further, the quality of the author's arguments degraded dangerously. In place of substantive insights, accurate comparisons, brilliant stories, more and more frustration, comments unworthy of the psychologist appeared, and the structured structure and the idea for the book faded, becoming unbearable ...

An idea for anti-guidebook

There are plenty of guides on the shelves in bookstores. Among them you can find a prescription for just about everything. After reading many of them, you can get the impression that the world is beautiful, the same for everyone, and you don't really stand out in any particular way, because you can always apply a list of universal advice to it.

Hanna Nikodemska El Tairy is not trying to create a guide. Its purpose is different: it plans to show how the modern world and parents spoil children, where the causes of the biggest educational problems are. He does it in a playful and light way. Unfortunately, it exaggerates in places.

Sometimes it's wise ...

First, a few fragments that can stimulate reflection.

The author says in the foreword:

"This anti-guidebook was not written to teach, instruct or moralize (...). Packed with slogans such as love for a child, acceptance of the child's needs, child's welfare invariably cottage-like and on a massive scale, we grow monsters that are a nuisance to the world and ourselves. Despite experimenting with models of upbringing and teaching, the process of raising monsters has not been inhibited, and even its significant acceleration can be observed. "

Further, the author even refers to the discipline that arouses so many extreme emotions even here on the page sosrodzice.pl:

"When we look at how world-renowned educational institutions work, the first thing that catches the eye is discipline. Even children from families of crowned heads, potential successors to the throne, future diplomats are given to schools that focus on discipline, compliance with norms and rules, respect for lecturers / teachers and diligent, systematic work. There are consequences for breaking the rules, which teaches reflection and responsibility for one's own deeds. "

And further on the structure of the family:

"A family is a small system with a specific structure. Adults are to serve as wise and demanding teachers and to enforce orders from children. By setting wise boundaries and defining what is allowed and what is forbidden, what is good and what is bad, the parent introduces the child into the world of adults slowly, gradually but consistently. Thanks to their own authority, the parent can be sure that in an emergency or a dangerous situation he will not have to explain to the child for hours about the danger and wait in suspense, what the toddler decides will just step in, give orders and will be carried out. Children should be persuaded to be independent gradually, always keeping in mind their well-being. "

Other times not so serious ...

You can agree on the above statements. However, there are also some quite controversial passages: feminism and politics. We can read about the wise Eskimos breastfeeding their children for several years, about the naive people who drink bad or even hideous cow's milk, to find out immediately that Batman was bad because he had one hand under the table during the meal. In places you get the impression that the book is for not very specific and serious. The author, quoting stories about her life, seems to seem like a psychologist who does not like her job, has lost all her senses, and treats her patients with superiority. Of course, such feelings do not dominate when reading the entire book, but they appear too often not to write about them here.

Reading makes it difficult too typos. Unfortunately, the book is published relatively carelessly in this respect, given the high level of other publications of the publisher.

Plus you definitely should be sharing "Case studies" of patients and entire families, which the author had the opportunity to work with. Such specific information, stories from life allow to limit parental enthusiasm to too much experimentation and ignoring the needs of oneself and the child. It can be a warning signal or an inspiration for a moment of rest and thinking: are I sure I'm doing well, where does it all lead?

To conclude: the book is unique enough to be read. However, with the reservations I mentioned above. Enjoy reading!

Thank you to PrószyƄski S-ka Publishing House for sharing a copy of the review book.