Pregnancy / Childbirth

I will give birth to a child. I will lose friends


Can the birth of a child result in the loss of friends? There are probably such situations. Although then one should think about it, were they really our friends

The fact is that when the toddler is born, the relationships of young parents with others change. The child appoints us new goals, indicates priorities, we start to approach many issues differently. Not all friends can accept this. Relations with them will no longer be the same as they used to be because our life is no longer the same as it used to be. However, this does not necessarily mean that they will get worse. Maybe sometimes difficult requiring more forbearance, but at the same time giving a chance to build even better, stronger relationships with friends. Will it be like that? It depends on both sides.

Young parents they differ in views on parenting and childcare. Every mother and dad have a slightly different approach to many matters related to parenthood, profess different values. They have one thing in common - frequent lack of time.

Arranged last Friday

Which time you promise yourself this time are you sure you will meet again? You used to see each other almost every day. You knew what was up with her. You called each other with every case, and often without any reason. Just talk. And today? Today you found out about the fact that she got married from a social networking site ... How did it happen?

I have no time - these words are most often translated by young parents. Now, after all they have a child and with it a lot of new responsibilities. In the multitude of everyday matters it's hard for them to find a moment for themselves let alone for friends. It is true. The little man demands of us constant care. For this reason, it is not easy for us to arrange a specific time, we are late, sometimes we postpone the visit or we have to say goodbye earlier. Meetings with us definitely require our friends more patience and understandingbut they are not impossible. Often, the fact that we haven't seen them for many months is not caused by a lack of time, but by a lack of willingness.

It seems that - especially today, with such a large development of communication systems - maintaining contacts should not be a problem. And it's not immediately about chatting for hours at coffee, which may not be so simple, but even a short text message: How are you? It certainly won't take us more than a few minutes. Willingness is important.

Some others

Sometimes, however our efforts are not enough. We know that my friends met, but no one invited us. Then we hear explanations that they did not want to impose, bother us, do a problem. Because it is necessary to prepare food for the toddler, plan the day, arrange care, cancel something, postpone ... Now we have other things on our mind. Maybe, but isn't it worth asking anyway? If you can't meet now, maybe next time. Talking, we'll definitely find a solution and we'll be able to set a convenient date.

With the birth of a small toddler parents do not become "somebody else", they only have a child and certainly still need to meet other people. Now maybe even more than before, because thanks to them they can break away from the daily care of the offspring.

No more spontaneity?

Even if both parties want to keep in touch with each other, their relationship will no longer be the same as it used to be. Mum or dad usually do not have the opportunity to participate in spontaneous outings. All trips must be planned in advance. Think about a child. If we liked to make quick decisions about departure, hitchhiking was the main mode of transport for us, and the only requirement for accommodation was that the rain would not drip on our heads - we would probably have to give it up.

Here, our friends will not find tour companions in us. This does not mean, however, that we must go everywhere alone. Although joint trips will probably be more attractive to those among our friends who also have children. It is easier to organize time together. Crazy parties until dawn or weekly concerts would be difficult to reconcile with raising a child. Often, we simply no longer have the strength or desire. We come to the conclusion, with or without regret, that this period in our lives has already passed. However, completely getting rid of social life and devoting all your time to raising a child also does not seem good. It is important to organize a home exit from time to time, preferably without our children. (If of course we have the opportunity and want to). Meeting a friend with a coffee, without having to constantly take care of the child, will certainly allow us to relax and regenerate. Thanks to this, maybe for a moment, we will not think about the fact that we need to do the laundry, buy my son new shoes, take my daughter to the hairdresser, go to a meeting in kindergarten tomorrow, etc. etc.

How much can you talk about a child?

In the end we manage to meet. Thirsty for our own company, we begin to tell how we are doing. However the conversation does not go as usual. It often turns out that whatever topic we take up, we eventually start talking about ... children. At the same time, we often come to the conclusion that our friends have become some infantile, irresponsible, they only talk about events and do not know "real" life. Actually, we don't have common topics anymore. As a result, after an hour of meeting, we start thinking about returning home. But it works both ways. We can be simply boring for childless friends. We lack spontaneity, we are monothematic. How long can you hear about other people's children?

It may look like it, but does not have to be. Just a little bit understanding on both sides. We do not demand from a friend that she will suddenly think like us, like a mother, or a friend that for the hundredth time will love the photo of our child. Let's remember that not everyone has to be satisfied with the fact when a cheerful group of people screams into their apartment, spreading butter on the sofa and painting the walls with pencils. It is worth reacting then. Let us teach our children respect for other people's property. On the other hand, let's not demand that young mothers completely forget about their treasures when talking to us. It may also turn out that our stories about the last event or crazy trip abroad will not arouse the expected enthusiasm. However, we can talk on a lot of other topics. When inviting a family with children, it would be naïve to count on being quiet and peaceful, and the toddlers will sit politely at the table and will not speak unanswered. Although there may be children somewhere, most of them are simply - children and childhood has its own rights. The most important thing is that we listen to each other, respect and be understanding. They were able to accept what our life is like now and they remained themselves.

Sandbox friends

The child also opens the door to new friendships for us ... Daily walk with the pram to the playground, to the store or to the park often results in meeting new people. Most often I have other mothers. With a small, chatty toddler by the side, it is easier to make friends. In addition, our children are endless topic. There is always something to talk about. We suddenly realize that so far (especially when we live in a block of flats in a new housing estate) we did not know our neighbors. In the morning we went to work and after returning from it we took care of ourselves. Nobody walks between blocks unless there is such a need. Of course, acquaintances from the playground do not have to turn into great friendships, but it happens sometimes.

My child is the best!

When you become parents, your relationships with friends may get worse due to unhealthy competition. Compare your child with others. Most of us do not tolerate comments on how to educate them, and we respond with aggression to any criticism directed towards our child. We do it according to the principle that we can complain about him, but others do not. It is difficult for us to accept a different approach to childcare. And although certainly not everyone behaves like this, for many parents a child is a sensitive topic. On the other hand, being a parent, it is difficult to constantly listen to "good advice" about what and how we should do and what we do wrong, and a childless woman would certainly prefer not to hear again and again: You'll see how you become a mother yourself. That is why tolerance, common sense, failure to insist on the right to be right and the ability to approach our parenthood with respect is becoming so important for maintaining good relationships with friends. Raising a child is a heavy piece of bread and a sense of humor can help us many times. I know, I know - it's not easy either. However, it's worth a try.

Of course, it can always be summed up in short words: it's difficult, that's the way it is. Our life has changed and we must accept the new reality. And probably many people do that. With or without regret. Let us remember, however, that having a child does not mean losing one's social life. Now I am a mother, but let's not forget that not only. You are still also for someone: a sister, daughter, wife or just a friend.