What is it like to be a father?
With the birth of a child, her life changes irreversibly. However, her partner's life is also changing.
The emergence of a new family member poses huge challenges to a man. Suddenly, because you would like it to be impossible to fully prepare for it, it must be overnight become ... a father. He has just been gifted with the pure, unconditional love of a small being who trusts him infinitely and most importantly - for which he becomes fully responsible.
This obliges. But maybe overwhelm. Then, fear arises and its consequence is escape. Escape from paternity.
Why do men run away from fatherhood?
Sometimes, the inability to face a stagnant situation very dramatic turn. The man decides to leave. He abandons his family. However much more often he abandons her without slamming the door. He stands aside. He doesn't know how to behave. He is not confident in what he does and what he feels. His new identity overwhelms him. It is difficult for him to come to terms with the suddenness of becoming something completely different, unknown to him.
The birth of a child is for a man masculinity test. Being a dad turns out to be something much more difficult than they wrote in the book. So maybe it's better to leave this sphere to my mother? Mother is always a mother. She can handle it. It will definitely do better. If so, one could actually ask the question: what is this dad for?
The role of the father in the child's life
The father's role in the child's life, from the very first days, is enormous. Avoiding closeness with one's own child, on the pretext of "because the mother will do it better," will make it even harder for your dad to find a new role.
Fear of fatherhood is fear of the unknown. Anxiety that cannot be overcome in any other way than through intimacy with a child. Accompanying him every day. Not only during one-hour fun after work, but also, and even especially when at night he demands our presence, when he cries, because for some reason he is ill. Then he needs us the most. And it is by no means that men take over the role of women! It is not that they stop working and turn into nannies, taking all their household chores on their shoulders (unless they want it and can do it). Certainly not. The point is that they dare to trust each other. Man as dad.
It's easier for you, you're a mother!
You are with him all the time, you had the opportunity to learn many things - such words often fall on the lips of young fathers. And they are right. However, it is often used as an excuse so you don't have to get involved.
Why do something worse when someone else can do it better? Just to do it just as well after some time. First of all, in order to actively participate in the care of a toddler who needs both parents so badly. He surely doesn't care how exactly we fold the blanket, whether we fasten the diaper evenly and how long it will take us to feed. For him, closeness is important, both mom and dad.
Mothers - on the way to a child
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for mothers, although often unwittingly, to kill their partners' desire to be an active father. Why is this happening? Taking care of a small child is a full-time job. It is not easy to meet the difficult role of being a parent. Your partner's help is invaluable here.